COUNT AT LEAST UPTO .....9

Is it me or are there a few like me..
That jabber a lot ..
But when it comes to saying something that you want to say the most...
You just stutter and stop...
Or sometimes make such a mess of it all....
That instead of making it better..you just put up a wall...

I think that sometimes..
I need to stay quiet and say nothing at all...
Count ...at least up to ...9..
That's what I want to do this year...
But realise that either I blurt out all the wrong stuff..
or then I just sit , with a finger on my lip...

And stay that way..
Till I cant handle the silence in my heart no more..
And then blurt some insane stuff out , some more..
That I should never have ever said...or then , have thought of what to say a little before..

Is there no other way , to say what I want..without sometimes making a mess and then feeling complete distress..

I'm trying to understand why I do what I do..
Should I blame it on being Sagittarius...because that is true..
We are supposed to say what we feel...
and gallop around..
Half horse-Half man.. that's exactly what it's all about...
Peter-Pan that's my man, he refused to grow up...
and stayed back in Neverland..
But we all know , he does not exist, he is just a figment of someones very fertile imagination..
Like the stories I have made up in my head , that are totally amiss...

So where should I go...
Because sometimes feel I'm no different than Zeke and Zene...
they feel what they feel and say it like it is..
They eat when they are hungry, smile when they are happy, sleep when they are sleepy and cry when they are hurt..
And if I ask them whats bothering them, they spare no facts...
And that is so wonderful..
To be so straight like that..

I want to stay a kid..
and feel my way through life with my heart...
Say what I feel, but without hurting anyone...
Cross roads when I have to, jump over a puddle , only of I have to....
Sleep at the drop of a hat, which I sometimes do , when I want to..
And find joy in the simplest of things..
A worm on a leaf..
A star in the sky..
Chocolate in the fridge..
Mums high heel to try....
Drinking cold water..
An extra hour of tv..
Oh it feels soo good to be a little crazy...


So that's the plan..to help me walk the land..
I'm gonna aim for the moon , so that by default I reach at least the stars..
Laugh till tears roll down my cheeks and I cant breathe..
wake up some nights and stare at the moon..
And drink my green tea, just stupidly with a spoon..
I'm gonna eat, love, dance , pray , laugh and hug and feel insanely pretty ....
I'm just gonna stay and be the purest form of me...